Mother's Day, Father's Day, A Challenge for the Church, and Pots and Pans

I'm a pretty simple guy.  I think that's a humble and honest self assessment.  I don't ask for much for myself. 

Case in point, this year, I'll be turning 40.  Big 4-0.  Etc. 

Doesn't bother me much.  Jen, however, wants to have a party for me.  Again, I don't mind.  However, the planning thing seems a bit overwhelming to me.  Hence, I'd rather not do that part of the whole thing. 

Party=Okay and maybe even nice.
Me planning party/coming up with a guest list to the party/putting forward any effort on this party at all=Not okay

Perhaps a clown and a pony.....

But then I digress. 

I really don't demand big things for myself.  Just let the girls be potty trained (ohhhh, so close), my Giants win a world series at least every other season (I said AT LEAST...'15 is looking up), me have enough time to make the family their dinner, and enough time with God and my bride that I feel like I'm not being negligent and remember how blessed I truly am.  After this, I don't ask for a lot. 

Therefore, Father's Day, while nice, isn't a necessity to me.  I do like being exalted and held up a bit as a parent (as everybody does, from time to time).  However, there's about 1000 things I can think that I'd prefer rather than Father's Day. 

On the flip side, I do find Mother's Day to be a great tribute to mothers everywhere.  They've earned and deserve it.  Good for them.  I'll bend over backwards to give Jen whatever she desires for Mother's Day.  Hence, it's good to honor mothers on their own special day (and all other days, for that matter). 

One thing that annoys me about Mother's Day is the number of people who seem to have to remind fathers/husbands that 1.  we shouldn't forget and 2.  don't get mom something for the kitchen.  After all, she doesn't want that.  Instead, get her some silly, over priced gift that she'll love, wear once, and then never think of again (at least until the credit card bill comes.....you do love her, right?). 

Why does this annoy me?  Because I don't like the assumption(s) that 1. guys are buffoons that need to be reminded not to buy our wives/moms something that would annoy or offend them, 2.  that kitchen goods would automatically offend them, and 3. that we can be counted on for nothing more than forgeting to honor them on this day. 

Let's address these asinine assumptions one at a time:

1.  Guys, for the most part, won't buy the important mothers in their lives gifts that we know will offend them.  We're not daft.  Some might be a little slower, but we all understand the importance of gifts with value. (going deeply into debt to get this gift, btw, does NOT automatically give the gift value and, in my opinion, might be on a fast track to annoying the recipient).

2.  Kitchen goods are great.  I would, personally, love to get pots and pans for Father's Day.  I wouldn't be offended, as I do about 85% of the cooking around here.  That would be an incredibly thoughtful gift, for me.  I don't think I'm somehow at a higher level of intellect than the average mother.  Perhaps it's just a personal preference.  Moving on. 

3.  Men will not forget Mother's Day.  We're reminded about it incessantly.  Leading up to the day.  On the day.  20 shopping days til Mothers Day.  Etc.

It's this last one that sticks in my craw the most. 

Perhaps time to tell a story. 

Back in the 90s, when I was in college, I worked at a university radio station.  The host of the local metal show asked me to fill in for her for a show.  I gladly said I would and took it over for the week. The night came, I worked the show, and gave her the keys to her music cabinet back a few days later. 

At the time I returned the keys, I was immediate target for her criticizing every little mundane detail of how I executed the show.  After this lambasting, she walked away and I was left, asking myself, "did she say thank you at any time there"?  Not having specifically listened for it, I wasn't sure.  I'm not the sort who sits waiting and expecting a thank you for every single kind gesture.  But I do notice when I don't get them. 

The next time I was asked to work her show, I decided that I might have been wrong that she hadn't thanked me and agreed to do it again.  This time, I was going to specifically listen for the thank you. 

Show worked, keys back, lambasting ensued.  Waiting.  Waiting.  She walks away. 

No 'thank yous' coming my way again. 

Needless to say, though asked, I never worked her show for her again. 

Coming back around, the major thing that bothers me is that, in church, often there is a prayer at the beginning of worship.  It is during this time that, on Mother's Day, the pastor often takes note of Mothers and what they do and how we should be thankful for them. 

Well enough.

For Father's Day, it is the exact opposite. 

We are prayed for that we would do better as fathers and charged to do a better job. 

No 'thank yous' coming our way (at least, none without strings attached). 

And the sad thing is that we expect it.  Spiritual leaders of our households and we expect to get a little guilt trip at church on Father's Day.  Our church only lays it on during the prayer.  From what I understand, some other church families go above and beyond on the guilt trips.  Sometimes, to the point of making fathers apologize to mothers on Mother's and Father's Days.  Sad. 

This year, after Mother's Day (same thing there as usual), Jen suggested that instead of grumbling, I should call a pastor and talk to them about my concern.  I did. 

We had a nice talk.  He said that he'd read articles about the same thing I was concerned about.  When I asked if he could imagine moms being charged with doing a better job in church on Mother's Day, he laughed.  I did too.  It was a ludicrous idea.  Heck, I would be upset about that.  Hopefully this will affect some change this year (we will be out of town on that day, so I shall not hear the prayer). 

Why does it matter so much to me?

1.  Fathers are appointed and charged by God to be the spiritual leaders of their households.  It would be nice if the church could recognize and value this job instead of feeling that they require more tutoring in this endeavor.

2.  The prayer is one that is for ALL fathers.  Good, bad, absent, 100% on board with kids.  Tossing the challenge in lumps all together and says that ALL need to do better.  In doing this, it suggests that all are at the same level of parenting.  Can you see how this might be a little insulting?

3.  Some fathers might be out there that feel as if they're expected, by society and such, to do above and beyond excellence.  Even if they've been doing great, thus far.  I'm lucky in this as I have a wonderful wife who gives me praise in my parenting of the girls.  Some might have wives that pile on in the criticism.  These husbands need some thank yous without the added criticisms. 

4.  Some fathers might have deep seated doubts in their own abilities.  I am, often, one of these.  Not wanting to get too much into my own upbringing, but it's nice and valuable to hear a thank you from outside of the home.  From our church family is probably the best place to acknowlege this. 

Therefore, for 2015, I think it would be apropos to challenge each evangelical, Christian church (or any Christian church, for that matter) to simply thank the fathers for all they do.  To acknowlege their important role within the body of Christ.   To point out, to the rest of the congregation, exactly how necessary fathers are. 

Again, I CHALLENGE any pastors who are preaching or praying on Father's Day this year, to pray to God for strength to properly value fatherhood this year and to honestly share that immense commodity that is fatherhood with their congregations, if just for that one day. 

After all, there are 364 more days in the year for which to challenge them to do better.  Let's give Father's Day its proper due. 

Love you all.