Let's Play

Play dates.  A wonderful thing for any child.  Today, I took Esther and Cynthia on their second since I began staying home with them. 

They had fun.  A lot of fun. 

The first was fun, too.  It was back in the summer.  It was a play date that was through our Bible class at our church.  It's a fine class and we've met many wonderful friends through it.  However, the idea of going to a play date with the girls gave me pause. 

The reason for this is that all the play dates, from what I assumed, were a matter of mothers from the class bringing their children together to play.  There, at the time, were no other stay at home dads in the class.  Hence, me going to a play date would be a matter of me hanging out with a bunch of mothers while our children enjoyed themselves. 

I thought that my being there might change the dynamics a bit. 

As an aside, Jen and I are very protective of if and when we hang out one on one with members of the opposite sex.  In other words, we try to avoid it, whenever possible.  It's not a new idea.  And, it's not like it's unique to us.  It's also not like we don't ever interact with members of the other gender.  However, we just have this policy. 

Back to the first play date.  I was concerned about the dynamics changing.  I brought this up with our small group.  Some of the women in our small group, who regularly take their children to these play dates and whom I consider to be dear and wonderful friends, said that I shouldn't worry and that my presence there would not be impactful.  I can't say that I totally agreed with them but I fully respect and trust everbody in our group.  After talking with Jen about it, we decided to give it a shot. 

We went and Esther had a good time.  Cynthia, still in her car seat, slept through most of it.  I spoke with several of the other parents there.  It wasn't totally comfortable, but I rolled with it, mostly keeping an eye on Esther.  We were there, the girls played, then we went home. 

A few days later, Jen fielded a call from another great friend.  She had also taken her kids to the play date and said that, in her opinion, my being there had most certainly changed the feel of the group.  I gathered that might end up being the case and was quite alright with it.  The last thing I wanted was for my presence to cause a new mother to perhaps not come back due to feeling uncomfortable.  Jen and I talked it over and decided that it would probably be a good idea for me not to go anymore. 

This broke my heart a bit.  Not for me, but for our daughters. 

You see, I didn't take them there for my own benefit.  Some might go to play groups for the interaction with other parents.  To discuss raising their children.  To compare notes, so to speak.  However, not so for me.  I was there entirely for Cynthia and Esther. 

I understand fully that our daughters, while growing up with me being a stay at home dad, will interact with one another.  This will help them build up their social skills that they can apply to their life as they get older.  However, interaction with one another will only go so far.  They need the extra benefit from learning how to interact with peers.  This can only be achieved in so many ways.  We have to be proactive with it.  One way that it can be done is via the church nursery that the girls go to every Sunday morning, where they interact with other children who are roughly their same age in a controlled environment.  However, it is not as much of a free for all environment.  This is what they can get form the aforementioned play dates. 

Hence, I was in a quandry.  I want Cynthia and Esther to get the benefits from a play date but understand that my being there might be troublesome.  Something was needed. 

I bounced the idea of asking some women in our small group to take them to a play group or dropping them off myself and picking them up at a later time.  I discounted each almost immediately.  For the former, it would require extra car seats.  The logistics would be a nightmare.  For the latter, it would feel very off to just drop them off and leave.  While I trust that they would be fine, what if they asked about me?  What if they asked to go home.  Hence, this wouldn't work either. 

I finally decided on a solution that took care of all issues.  There are two fathers in our small group Bible study who, though they work full time, are home with their children during the day, several days a week.  Hence, I contacted them.  One is available on Wednesdays, just not at this time.  The other, due to his work schedule, is home with his son on Fridays.  We decided on a date this morning from 9-10.  It went great.  The girls had a fun time and I think his son did, too.  I really hope we do it again. 

Because it's important. 

And because the girls had fun.  A lot of fun. 

Jen and I both like that. 

God bless you all. 

p.s.  If you are reading and in the same situation that I found myself, I would recommend finding a solution in your small group Bible study (if you can).  If you don't have one, I'd totally recommend getting one.  Check with your church, should you not be familiar with how to find/join a small group.